It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
