he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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