you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
