Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize