Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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