Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I faked an abortion last night.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
