I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
