I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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