How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
