so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
