peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I look better un-naked...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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