I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
