too bad you live with your parents still
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
