S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
