If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize