I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
