Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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