you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
