Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm jealous of your bromance
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
