I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
