I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize