Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you traded sex for a burrito?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
