gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Drunk is not a location!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
