drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
