call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
