Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
