I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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