yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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