so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
