so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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