I feel great
I just peed on a car
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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