I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
