Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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