Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
