What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
