I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize