Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
