Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize