Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
