gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
