My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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