you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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