I wannas sexs uuuuu
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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