Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
