Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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