oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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