I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just want to make out with him forever
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
