You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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