she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
