Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
