i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize