I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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