She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
