She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
