dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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