i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
