did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
