Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
