How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
