so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
