Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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