I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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