Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
