what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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