I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
