shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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