There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
