You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
