Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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