the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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