apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
