Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize