I just saw a hot homeless man
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
