Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
