It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
even my farts smell like vagina
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
