YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
