My nipple is on Facebook.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
