Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
