I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
