We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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