i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As shirtless as possible
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
