haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
