singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
