drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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