the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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