i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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