A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
