HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
