you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
