i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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