It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
